How to BDSM?

The Beginners guide to BDSM

Kinky sex tips - a beginners guide to BDSM 

Although the mention of Fifty Shades of Grey is starting to make us cringe there's no denying that that red room of pain has us all intrigued...

If all you've heard about BDSM is a lot of latex, butt plugs and pony play then we can understand if you're not completely convinced. But there are a lot of things you can incorporate into your sexlife to spice it up without whipping out the reins and harness.

So we asked a woman in the know; Amy, ex-Dominatrix and author of 'Bound' to you to let us in on the world of BDSM - yeah it gets explicit.

She says: "BDSM gives you a chance to explore different psychosexual aspects of your personality and that of your partner. It's a chance to throw your usual dynamic out of the bedroom, which can be as refreshing as it is disinhibiting."

So if you're game, check out all you need to know about BDSM, how to approach your partner to get things started and read these hot as hell BDSM tips to take things to a whole new level.

Check out our beginners guide to BDSM and we promise you won't look back...

What is BDSM?

In the most basic form BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/ Dominance & Submission/ Sado-Masochism) is all about the erotic and sexual acts and mind-sets of dominating and relinquishing control.

Amy explains that over the years BDSM has got a pretty bad rep, but the basic principles can be extremely liberating and in the long run if you engage with it, turn you on in a way that you would never even have thought about.

"The fact that the standard media representation of BDSM is of something seedy and silly and sometimes make it feel like a taboo," she explains.

"But if women take the reins it can actually increase their sexual confidence and sense of agency, while giving men a break from having to be 'on top', psychologically as well as literally which is the standard dynamic for most couples."

The trick is to have an open mind to sexuality, obviously anything which causes harm to your partner or yourself isn't good (well actually it's illegal) but we're all humans and exploring the parts that make us a little different is what can make a hugely beneficial relationship.

So if you're thinking you're into BDSM or want to explore it with your partner what's the next step?

Getting things started

So revealing to your partner that you want to explore BDSM might have you a little worried, but don't worry there's no need to be!

There's always ways of approaching things to play to your advantage...

Amy says: "Springing some hard-core moves on someone is the easiest way to put them off BDSM for life, so either have a heart to heart explaining what it is exactly you’d like to try or just try taking the sex play in the BDSM direction next time you hook up.

‘If you’re the one that fancies dominating, arranging yourself physically on top is a good start, followed be a ‘my turn to take the lead’ remark or similar.

A protestation at this stage means a discussion is necessary before you venture further. If you get the green light, keep checking in with your partner with a serious of erotic assertions - ‘so it turns you on when I press my hand over your mouth?’ for example."

Now you've tested the waters with your guy it's time to get serious. If you want to really get to grips with dominating your guy, it's time to have a look at those tips...

Me first

If you want to get your man to realise that you're in control in the bedroom there's no room to mess about. (Well a bit of laughter never hurt anyone, but stick to your guns.)

Amy says it's all about letting him know you're the one in charge.

"Start by telling him he’s not going to get what he wants until you do," she says. "Then demand he pleasure you with his fingers or tongue before he gets so much as a nail laid on him."

He'll be so turned on by your new found 'no nonsense naughtiness he'll do anything you want him to.

Play to his senses

We've all heard the fact that guys are pretty visual people right, so why not take that away from him and see what happens? Bet the reaction will surprise you.

Amy says: "Make him drop to his knees, blindfold him, and then walk around him in heels on a non-carpeted surface.

Lean in to trail your hands and/or hair about his body, or tease him with a filthy remark from time to time - all the while he's there blindfolded. The anticipation of your presence will be intoxicating."

The fact that's he's in such a submissive position, unerable to your every whim will be so unusual he won't know what to do with himself - in a good way of course.

Knickers

This one might have you squirming at first but it's a dead-cert to send him into over-drive so bear with us.

To start Amy says to: "Get him to remove your knickers; right before he slides them off down around your ankles lightly slap his hands away. Continue taking them off yourself and place them on his face with the crotch along his mouth and nose."

The trick with this one is a little preparation. The whole point is that guys love the smell of 'you' so working it with a clean pair - so to speak - just isn't going to do anything.

A few hours before you see him whip on your sexiest underwear and by the time you've done all these moves on him they'll be ready to roll.

Yep we know what you're thinking but just try it and see for yourself.

Fantasies

This one is about really opening him up to you and will be as much of a turn on for you as it will for him.

Amy says: "Get him to confess the last explicit fantasy he had about the pair of you while you slowly masturbate him.

Every time he hesitates over a detail take your hand off his cock and don't continue to masturbate him until he tells you what you want to hear!"

Spank him

Most girls get a casual spank from their partner from time to time but trying out spanking on your guy can be a bit of a shake-up.

"Sit in a straight-backed, armless chair and order him across your stocking-clad thighs for an old-fashioned hand-spanking," says Amy, "Place one hand on the back of his neck and slightly cup the other as you deliver slow firm strokes on the fleshiest part of his behind until he’s nicely pink."

If you really want to take it to the next level: "Get him to count the strokes out loud and say ‘Thank you Mistress/Goddess' or any other superior term you see fit!"

Control him

A lot of times sex can be controlled by the guy - this is exactly what you want to get away from in this dynamic.

"Sit him on a chair and secure his hands behind his back with soft handcuffs (not the metal kind). Ride him like he’s your dildo and control his orgasm to suit you."

Seeing you have the time of your life purely from him will be mind-blowing.

It's all about you

Amy says: "Sitting on the edge of the bed or in a chair, have him give you a foot rub while you masturbate yourself.

Every time he falters because he’s distracted with what you’re doing, slide your foot under his balls and very gently kick upwards."

Warning: when Amy says 'gently' kick him in the balls she really means it. Getting carried away at this point could ruin the moment, if not relationship, in quite a significant way.

One last piece of advice

One last piece of advice from Amy before we leave you to your own Dominatrix devices.

"Whether you are dominating,submitting, both or merely exploring - be confident about your body and desires; it’s the ultimate aphrodisiac."

Thanks Amy! Now go live out your BDSM fantasies!